Mom: You don't have to be so mean to the cats.
PJ: If I started peeing and throwing up all over your stuff, wouldn't you hate me, too?
Mom: No. I would take you to the doctors.

Video Game: You must protect it at all costs, my son!
Mom: -laughs- This is lame. 'My son'?
PJ: I know.
Troi: Are you his son?
PJ: No. I'm not his son in the game either.

Troi: Are you serious? Are you being serious right now?
PJ: Do I look like Harry's uncle?

PJ: That guy's a creeper.
Troi: Yeah he is.
PJ: Even if I were a guy I would think he's a creeper.
Troi: You are a guy.

Troi: I don't think I like make-up.
PJ: Bingo?

PJ: Tostino's Pizza Pockets! 10 for $10!
Wendy: Mmm, $1 pizzas...those are the ones that taste like cardboard.
Troi: Oh, yeah they do.
PJ: No, it's those Tostino's things! The ones we had for the Lord of the Things.

Mom: What did he do?
PJ: I'm not going to mimic it.
Mom: Then don't mimic it.
PJ: I'm not going to do it either.

What PJ Says:
Better quality, better surface for a superior life.

What's Really Said:
Better quality, better service for a superior life.

Jake: That hit him in the lung. It could put him in a coma.
PJ: -pointing to the right side of his chest- But your lung's over here.
Troi: You have two lungs.
PJ: You do? Someone told me you only have one.

Wendy: You're getting old people eyelashes again.
PJ: You're giving old people allergies??