Jake: That hit him in the lung. It could put him in a coma.
PJ: -pointing to the right side of his chest- But your lung's over here.
Troi: You have two lungs.
PJ: You do? Someone told me you only have one.

Wendy: You're getting old people eyelashes again.
PJ: You're giving old people allergies??

Lyrics: And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart.
Troi: That's sad.
PJ: -taking lyrics literally- Sad? That's sick!

PJ: Mom, whenever there's a loud noise, for some reason I feel a tingling in my foot.

Mom: I need to buy Troi some new pants.
PJ: -wide-eyed- Who's in Troi's pants?

Troi: -handing something to PJ, but dropping it- Oh, sorry.
PJ: -looking at Troi incredulously- I'll take that as a sorry.

Mom: Why are you failing your French class?
PJ: Because I don't know how to speak French.

PJ: What if I have cancer?
Mom: Then we'll deal with it.
PJ: What if I have terminal cancer?
Mom: Then I would be very sad. Why are you asking these questions?
PJ: Because my neck hurts whenever I look left.

Troi: Mom, my neck hurts. I can't look right.
PJ: You've never looked right.

PJ: You are by far the most exaggerating person I know.

-family playing Jenga-
PJ: It's going to fall.
-tower falls-
PJ: I'm pycho!

PJ: -barging through the door- I'm going to need your help, Troi!
Troi: Why?
PJ: Because I stabbed myself in ceramics!
Troi: Well, stop panicking and let's pull it out. -reaches over to pull it out-
PJ: -cringing away and protecting his hand- No! It's going to hurt and bleed all over the place.
Troi: -rolling her eyes- Well, you're going to have to pull it out. Just do it quick.
PJ: -gritting his teeth and pulling it out- Oh. Why was I even panicking?

PJ: -dishing corn onto his plate- I'm adopted to corn!